Therapy for Anxiety in California
When being capable starts costing you
You're the person others rely on. Thoughtful, capable, responsible. You try hard, care deeply, and carry more than your share.
And privately? You're exhausted.
You overthink every conversation and replay what you said. You can't rest without guilt or say no without anxiety. You worry you're disappointing someone. You look confident on the outside while feeling tense, self-critical, and unsure on the inside.
You know your patterns. You understand why you do this. But understanding doesn't make it stop.
That's because perfectionism and people-pleasing aren't just thought patterns. They're survival strategies your body learned a long time ago—and your body hasn't gotten the memo that it's safe to let them go.
Your anxiety isn’t a personal failure, it’s how you learned to cope
It’s a nervous system response to chronic pressure — pressure to get it right, to handle things well, to stay ahead of mistakes, to prove your worth through what you achieve.
At some point, being careful and self-critical probably helped. It may have kept you safe, connected, or valued.
So your system adapted.
Now those patterns run automatically — even when you’re not actually in danger.
The same traits that helped you succeed — perfectionism, overthinking, people-pleasing — are also what keep the anxiety going.
These aren’t character flaws. They’re protective strategies.
Here’s how they often show up:
Fear of getting it wrong
You think decisions through from every angle because mistakes feel bigger to you than they seem to others.
You research, reconsider, and replay — not because you’re incapable, but because getting it wrong feels costly.
The overthinking is an attempt to feel safe.
Self-criticism as protection
If you hold yourself to high standards, maybe you’ll avoid judgment.
If you catch mistakes first, maybe they won’t sting as much.
Self-criticism can feel responsible — even motivating.
But over time, it keeps your nervous system on edge.
Over-responsibility as safety
You take on more than your share because staying ahead feels safer than falling behind.
You anticipate, adjust, carry the emotional weight.
It looks like competence.
Underneath, it’s anxiety trying to prevent something from going wrong.
When the Bar Keeps Moving
With internal pressure, the standard rarely stays still.
You reach a goal — and almost immediately start thinking about what’s next.
You prove yourself — and feel the need to keep proving it.
You hit stability — and begin scanning for what could go wrong.
Relief doesn’t last long. The bar keeps moving. And your nervous system never quite gets the signal that you’re safe — or that you’ve done enough.
Why Pushing Harder Hasn’t Helped
You’ve tried doing what usually works.
Being more disciplined. More organized. More prepared. More self-aware.
Of course you’ve tried harder. That’s what’s always worked before.
But when anxiety is tied to chronic internal pressure, more effort doesn’t create relief. It reinforces the cycle.
If the bar keeps moving, trying harder just means you keep chasing it. This isn’t a motivation problem.
It’s a nervous system that learned to equate pressure with safety.
And willpower alone can’t retrain that. When anxiety is rooted in internal pressure, it doesn’t stay contained.
It shows up in the places that matter most — your relationship with yourself, your money, and the people you care about.
That’s where we’ll focus.
What We'll Work On
Anxiety can show up in multiple areas of your life
You may see it in your relationship with yourself
You're your own harshest critic. You monitor yourself constantly for mistakes. You can't turn off the voice that says you're not doing enough, you should be further along, you need to be better. This shows up as:
- Perfectionism and fear of failure Setting impossibly high standards for yourself. Never feeling satisfied with your work even when others praise it. Procrastinating because if it won't be perfect, why start? Tying your entire worth to how well you perform.
- Chronic overthinking Replaying conversations word-for-word to analyze what you said wrong. Researching decisions endlessly without ever feeling confident. Planning for every possible outcome so you're never caught off guard. Lying awake running through scenarios.
- Anxiety and self-criticism Constant worry that something's about to go wrong. An inner voice that tells you you're not doing enough, you should be further along, you're failing. Physical tension—tight chest, clenched jaw, knot in your stomach—that won't release.
- Burnout and exhaustion Running on empty but unable to stop. Feeling like you can't turn off even when you try to rest. Guilt when you're not productive. Emotional numbness, irritability, or feeling like you're going through the motions.
Or in your relationship with money
The same overthinking that keeps you up at night makes financial decisions feel impossible. You research endlessly but never feel confident. You catastrophize about worst-case scenarios. You tie your worth to your income or beat yourself up for not being "better" with money.
This may show up as decision paralysis about spending or career moves, financial anxiety despite being objectively stable, or tying your worth to what you earn.
Perhaps you see it in your relationship with others
The same people-pleasing that makes it hard to say no also makes you lose yourself in relationships. You accommodate automatically. You take on emotional responsibility that isn't yours. You can't tell where you end and others begin. This shows up as:
- People-pleasing and difficulty saying no Saying yes to requests even when you're already overwhelmed because saying no feels impossible. Agreeing to things you don't want to do to avoid disappointing someone. Bending yourself into a pretzel to keep everyone happy.
- Feeling responsible for other people's feelings Monitoring the room for tension or upset. Trying to fix everyone's problems. Feeling like it's your job to make sure everyone's okay. Taking on emotional labor that isn't yours to carry.
- Avoiding conflict Staying quiet when something bothers you to keep the peace. Accommodating automatically rather than risking tension. Losing yourself trying to make relationships smooth.
- Over-explaining and over-apologizing Explaining your decisions in paragraphs when "no" would suffice. Apologizing for things that aren't your fault. Prefacing every ask with multiple justifications.
What we'll work on
Shifting your nervous system
You can understand why you overthink every decision, but that doesn't stop you from lying awake analyzing what you said wrong. That's because the anxiety lives in your body, not just your thoughts. We use both talk therapy and Brainspotting to help your nervous system actually release the fear and tension—so you can make decisions without endless research, rest without guilt, and say no without your body going into panic mode.
Understanding the roots
The perfectionism, the people-pleasing, the constant monitoring—these didn't appear out of nowhere. We'll explore what you learned about safety, worth, and connection growing up. What did you witness? What was expected of you? What happened when you made mistakes or needed help? Understanding the roots helps it make sense—and starts loosening the pattern's grip.
Building new patterns
Right now, the overthinking, the self-criticism, the automatic yes—these happen so fast you don't even notice until after. We'll work on catching the pattern earlier. Noticing when you're about to research a decision for the tenth time. Recognizing when you're taking on emotional labor that isn't yours. Building the capacity to pause and choose a different response—not perfectly, but progressively.
Reconnecting with yourself
However anxiety is showing up in your life, underneath the perfectionism and people-pleasing, there's a version of you that knows what you need, what you want, and what's actually important. We'll help you find that again.
From surviving to grounded
Less pressure. Less inner noise. A growing sense of calm—not because everything is perfect, but because you're no longer constantly pushing against yourself.
01
What will change
From over-functioning to supported
You stop carrying everything alone. You learn to ask for help. You realize you don't have to earn rest or prove your worth.
02
From performing to being
You feel less driven by who you're supposed to be. Less managed around other people's expectations. More rooted in what you actually feel and need.
03
From self-doubt to self-trust
Decision-making becomes quieter and clearer. You start listening to yourself instead of constantly second-guessing. You relate to yourself with more respect and less criticism.
04
How We'll Work Together
Brainspotting
When talking about it isn't enough, we use Brainspotting— a brain-body approach that helps your nervous system release the tension, pressure, and fear that drives perfectionism and people-pleasing.
Weekly therapy or an Intensive
Therapy Intensives
Extended sessions over 1-2 daysThis format works well if you're:
- Stuck in long-standing patterns of perfectionism or people-pleasing
- Dealing with burnout from over-functioning
- Limited on time but ready to go deep
- Wanting accelerated progress
Investment: $1,000-2,500
The approach is the same whether you choose weekly sessions or an intensive. The difference is pacing and structure.
Not sure which format is right for you? Schedule a free 15-minute consultation and we'll figure it out together.
Who can benefit from this approach
Therapy for anxiety & perfectionism may be a good fit if you...
Feel driven to do more, be better, or get it right in order to feel okay
Struggle with chronic self-criticism or anxiety
Find yourself over-extending, saying yes when you want to say no
Feel disconnected from your own needs beneath the pressure to perform
Want more than surface-level coping strategies
Are ready to do the work (I'll guide you, but this requires your participation)
Common Questions About Anxiety Therapy
If you don’t see your question here, check out my full FAQs.
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It depends. Some clients work with me for a few months to address specific patterns. Others work with me for a year or more as they make deeper shifts. We'll check in regularly about your progress.
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No. The goal isn't to make you less capable or ambitious. It's to help you achieve without the constant anxiety, self-criticism, and exhaustion. You can still have high standards—they just won't be destroying you.
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Many of my clients have tried therapy that stayed too surface-level—focused on changing thoughts without addressing the deeper patterns. The combination of talk therapy and Brainspotting often works when traditional therapy alone hasn't been enough.
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That's exactly what we'll work on together. You don't need to figure it out before you start. That's what therapy is for.
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I’m so glad you asked! First, click the “Schedule free consultation” button 👈to book our initial call. During our call together, we’ll have a short conversation about what’s bringing you to therapy now, answer any additional questions you might have, and overall get a chance to see if we’re a good fit.
You don’t need to keep proving your worth
You’re allowed to be enough as you are